Breaking Up With My Phone
It’s been over 10 years since Steve Jobs took the stage to usher in the era of the smartphone. This device changed the way many of us interact with our world today — so much so it’s almost hard imagining a world without it.
I still vividly remember getting my first real ‘smart’ phone, the iPhone 4s. It was a beautiful device to hold and use making its gravitas immediate. This new thing didn’t just allow me to make calls and connect with friends, but also play music, take pictures, read news articles, open an email, and even talk to a robot. I was quick to integrate it into my daily life, creating new habits and chasing a culture that was ever increasingly going virtual. This sent me down a path of usage and dependence that soon started getting out of control. My phone was the first thing I interacted with in the morning, and the last thing I used before going to bed. Notifications were constantly interrupting me throughout my day, and whenever I was bored or had downtime, I would pull out my phone always ready to distract me. In my zeal for productivity, amusement, and always being ‘available’, I had created a relationship that was getting unhealthy, and I needed to do something about it, not just for myself but for my friends and family around me.
“I decided not to ditch my phone but create strong boundaries around when and how long I used it.”
With all this power in my pocket comes responsibility. For some, they forgo that power and get a ‘dumb’ phone or go even further and ditch their phone altogether. I decided not to ditch my phone but create strong boundaries around when and how long I used it. The first step I took towards this goal was defining my relationship with my phone. What do I mainly use my phone for? Calling friends, checking email, social media, etc? So I started tracking my phone usage, looking at what apps I used most, including when and how long I used them. [iOS 12 has a great feature called screen time that gives you an overview of what apps you use and for how long.] For me the two biggest apps I used was for email and social media, with texting usually following close behind. Although the time I invested in these apps seemed to be productive, I was mainly just reading emails and scrolling a feed. So for email, I decided to keep that only on my computer and delete any email apps on my phone. For social [which is really only Instagram for me ] I used two tactics. First, I layered the app on my home screen so it took a couple of steps to get to. Then, I removed all social notifications from my phone and slimmed down the number of people I followed to only the profiles I really wanted to see. This drastically lowered my usage as I wasn’t pulled in by notifications and could get through my feed in minutes instead of hours. I systematically did this with all my other apps, either removing them entirely or silencing/turning off any unneeded notifications. My goal in doing this was not to deprive myself of connection but to simplify what connection was important to me.
Sometimes you can have too much of a good thing, and in regards to my phone having a visual or physical connection to it 24/7 was starting to take its toll on me. If I wasn’t physically on my phone, it was usually within arms reach ready to buzz or distract me at a moments notice. It was almost as if my brain was always subconsciously thinking about my phone. This started to physically manifest itself as feeling emotionally spent. So to combat this, I stopped carrying my phone with me when I was at home or would turn it off for certain periods of time. This allowed my brain to fully relax and recharge in peace. This is something I practice daily now. When I’m at home my phone pretty much lives in a drawer in my desk. Out of sight, and literally out of mind.
Now some may say this makes be unavailable, and sure that may be, but there are very few things I do that are urgent. Most of my communication isn’t urgent, it can wait. If someone needs to get a hold of me, leave a message, I’ll get back to you. As humans, I don’t think we were meant to be ‘always on’ or always available. We need space. We need downtime. Silence is a gift, let’s start using it.